The words amicable divorce might seem like a contradiction in terms, and this is no doubt due to us hearing about divorces in the media that turn nasty, and where the respective spouses have gone to war with each other. Despite the fact, that some divorces do turn sour, any divorce lawyer will tell you when applying for a divorce, that the majority of divorces actual end up being calm and reasonable affairs.
It is true to say that inevitably some divorces will end up being slanging matches with either party determined to get a perceived victory over their ex-partner. This can come about for many reasons but the more common are likely to be where one spouse has had an affair, or where one of them has been abusive or violent towards their spouse or their children, or both.
In these kinds of circumstances, it is possible that emotions will tend to guide the actions that each spouse takes, rather than logic. This is often where having a professional divorce lawyer, who will inevitably have had clients in almost exactly the same set of circumstances, can bring some reason to the whole process.
By this stage, there may have been actions taken by either of the divorcing spouses that, rather than enhance their case, will diminish it. There is no end to the types of tactics used, but some of the more common are:
- Refusing to let the spouse who has moved out return in order to collect their personal belongings and documents
- Keeping the children from having any contact with their other parent
- Refusing to see or spend any time with their children
- Refusing to support their spouse or their children financially
- Bad-mouthing the other party to family friends, and worst of all, to their children
- Trying to influence the children to take sides
- Posting derogatory remarks about their ex-spouse on social media and other online forums
- Refusing to communicate in any way with their ex or their divorce lawyer
Any and all of these will serve no purpose other than to antagonise the other spouse, possibly cause them to retaliate in some way, and potentially prolong the whole divorce process.
Further, should the Family Court receive evidence that one of the parents has resorted to these kinds of behaviour, the judge is going to have a very negative opinion of that person. As such the judge could make any order relating to the divorce and the children less favourable for the individual who has done so.
Apart from the risk of having a court order which is less favourable, the biggest reason to avoid the negative tactics, and instead try to steer a path through the divorce on an amicable basis, is the children.
Children of parents who are divorcing are likely to already be in a delicate emotional and mental state, and to compound that further by seeing their parents go to war over their divorce is not what parents who genuinely love their children and have their best interests at heart, would do.
No matter how much bitterness there might be towards the other party, behaving in such a way that might provide a short-term win over them, but which also harms one’s children is wrong. ‘Is the price you are prepared to pay for a short term gain, the long term well-being of your children?’, must surely be the question posed to, and answered by, divorcing parents.
